Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2014

As we rang in '14, did you hear Madonna shouting "Open the floodgates!" from the rooftop of her tony Manhattan compound?  As far as we know, she hasn't done that literally quite yet; check with her neighbors.  But she certainly screams it with her Instagram account, which has gone from active to hyperactive (worryingly so?).  We're witnessing the sun start to rise on a new Madonna era, with a slow-burn intensity that came to a boil towards the end of the year after months and months of leaks, teases, and enigmatic hashtags; a smattering of non-controversies; and a series of subdued, inessential public appearances.

Time goes by so slowly for those who wait, it's true.  So, 2014, you limbo year of pre-Rebel Heart suspense, no offense, we're not sad to see you go, despite some key Madge goings-on:

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Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2013

  
2013.  This was one of those Madonna years during which not much happened musically; a very small crowd was treated to the only live public performance.  Music aside, there was of course the usual mix of latter-day Madonna tidbits like Hard Candy Fitness center openings, her "feud" with Lady Gaga, and newsflashes about how much she earns (FYI, she's the highest paid musician; last year's MDNA Tour cracked the all-time top 10 tours list; and the sale of her L.A. compound netted nearly $20M.)

But our favorite 55 (!) year-old, between showing her ass a lot and popping gold into her mouth, seemed to be kicking it old-school and showered us with surprises.  Who'd have foreseen her (finally) diving into social media?  Given - and then stripped of - the titles of both a Mensa-caliber genius and full-fledged billionaire?  Launching an excruciatingly teased and massively promoted art initiative?  Moving on from her boyfriend (fare thee well, Brahim!) while sidling up to a very famous ex?  Or serving us punk goddess, Marlene Dietrich, Bettie Page, and Boy Scout (!!) realness?

Let's just get into that and much, MUCH more.

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Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2012

Madonna left quite the impression this year.

In every meaning of the word. 

First, "a notion or belief"?  Nearly 5,000 kids will be served by schools co-built by Raising Malawi, with more schools on the way.  Those kids will get the impression that there is good in the world and they could be summoned to a higher calling. 

Second, "the effect produced by an agency or influence"?  The Material Girl label thrived.  Hard Candy fitness centers expanded.  A workout tape arrived.  Even without Madonna pressing the flesh and pushing product herself, her influence was pervasive.  Joe Francis, the entrepreneur behind the low-brow "Girls Gone Wild" video franchise, decided, in a stroke of premature publicity-mindedness, to pick a battle with Madge over the preliminary title of "Girl Gone Wild" even though dozens of other songs share the title.  Lame move but telling of Madonna's dominion.

Third, in ad-speak, an "impression" is the measure of the number of eyeballs (or eardrums) garnered.  Consider that more than 14 million people had been exposed to "Give Me All Your Luvin'" before it had its debut at the Super Bowl a few days later.  That historic game, by the way, was the most-watched U.S. television event ever.  Madonna's performance in the middle of that show saw a spike of two million more viewers, making her 12-minute set the most-watched TV segment in history.  One hundred fourteen million impressions.  (She also set a tweet-per-second record, if we're drilling down into numbers.)

Fourth, "a strong effect produced on the intellect, feelings, conscience, etc."?  Why, yes, the media blitzkrieg this year resulted in Madonna's placement as the sixth-most discussed public figure on Facebook and the highest ranking female.

All in a year's work for VH1's "Greatest Woman in Music." 

Here are the top ten ways she impressed us in 2012, an astonishing 30 years since her breakout single "Everybody" was released:

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Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2011

We Madonna fans got a lot of hackneyed product this year, for sure. We got a perfume named Truth or Dare, a second Hard Candy Fitness Center (this time in Moscow), and of course more Macy's-based Material Girl clothes. What's next, a Ray of Light line of lamps?

We kid! We kid! If the foregoing was all Madonna did this year - and understandable as that may be with such an overstuffed 2012 on deck - we'd hang up our blogger pen and call it a year at that.

So, let's get serious.

"I Love New York" was featured on "Glee". David Guetta won a Grammy for his remix of "Revolver". Madonna has a new boytoy half her age named Brahim Zaibat.

Not enough? Okay, then, how about we get to the REAL Madonna year that was? Coming right up: a turgid twelve months of a woman that doesn't just rest on her laurels and think of goods to name after her famous song titles.

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Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2010

The Madonna brand, in both the literal and figurative senses, seemed to be this year's dominant theme, from a passive investment in coconut water to more aggressive marketing in apparel and fitness clubs, to the expected musical accomplishment: tying with Bob Dylan with 19 Top Ten albums (by way of Sticky & Sweet Tour CD/DVD, released in March), 11 albums shy of Barbra Streisand's perch.

True, a majority of 2010 found Madonna toiling away on her second feature film as director, set for release in 2011. But our London and New York-minded gal still bookended a typically crammed year by extending her presence (and presents) on other continents like South America (a sojourn to Carnival in Rio, the final throes of the Jesus Luz Affair) and Africa (laying the foundation for the Raising Malawi Academy for Girls, snagging a VH1 Do Something Award, playing Santa - and presumably not "Santa Baby" - for needy orphans).

With Madonna nearly everywhere, it's quaint knowing that there is at least one place, for now, that you definitely won't permanently see her name. This summer's delicious gossip upped the ante on the evergreen Vegas rumor by alleging Madge turned down a staggering $1 billion, five-year residency gig in Sin City.

Fat chance of "Madonna at Caesars" in the foreseeable future, but, hey, you never know, especially after skimming her wild year in the rearview mirror:

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Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2009

Madonna fell off a horse.A nude shot of her caused a commotion.
Letterman engaged her in a fizzy chat.She was protested, boycotted, and booed while on tour.Quick: What year was it?The Madonna Meta Machine chugged along another year, and you're forgiven for losing a sense of regularity. Her rare gift of perennial resurrection and reinvention assured that, even in comparatively low-wattage 2009, fresh M news blended with Groundhog Day-ish stories familiar, creating a stream-of-consciousness media cocktail of Madonna lore.To keep us on track, and in furtherance of her various interests - music, fashion, charity, sexual politics - Madonna was of course at the reins. As she closed out another decade - her third in the superstar stratum - we were reminded of all the irons this lady's got in the fire.
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Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2008

It was by no means a bold prophesy to predict that we'd have an embarrassment of Madonna riches on our hands this past year.

With her countless projects and exhaustively crammed 2008 schedule, from "Heartbeat" to heartbreak, the most famous woman in the world didn't fail to keep her name bouncing around the zeitgeist, notwithstanding a turning-point American election, a global economic crisis, and the unabashed headline-sucking of interchangeably wannabe starlets.

The media couldn't get enough Madonna, even in the (rare) times this year when it seemed like flying under the radar was her M.O. Whether it be a paparazzi fest in the Mumbai slums at the tail end of her long Indian vacation, feverish reportage of a Marilyn Monroe historian's confusion of Sex-era Madonna and her onetime muse, or the pile-on of bad buzz during preparations for the Sticky & Sweet Tour - least of which was the almost-too-perfectly-timed release of "estranged" brother Christopher Ciccone's poison-penned book - the line between sanctioned product and leaks from within the Great Madonna Media Dam became increasingly blurred.

So much happened in the world of Madonna, in fact, that no less than her seventh career Grammy (for The Confessions Tour DVD) is but a minor historical footnote of the past twelve months. The woman had a lot going on.

The following ten events best illustrate what made up the significant signposts of a busy time for the busiest lady, Madonna '08:

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Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2007

For a relatively lower-profile year, Madonna sure had an active twelve months.

By measure of music, yes, she was quiet. 2007 was the first year in a quarter-century in which Madonna didn't release a Billboard-charting single. (The Live Earth-inspired "Hey You" never quite busted out of its promotional box.) Instead of a mammoth tour, there was exactly one live performance. And those "leaked" songs everyone heard from the upcoming album? Yeah, we didn't feel 'em either and, really, maybe we weren't supposed to yet.
2007 was indeed the calm before what promises to be the giant media storm of 2008, what with an album, a tour, her film directorial debut, more charity work, and a certain career-defining industry acknowledgement all in the offing.But, oh, what calm it was! When she wasn't busy assembling a Malawian orphan security detail or running around with gag-gift sex toys or shilling for a Japanese apartment building (um, really), Madonna handily maintained her rightful place at the top of the pop culture heap. No one lays low quite like Madge.Here are the most sterling examples of how she did it in 2007:

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Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2006

The true Queen of All Media has had a busy twelve months: books, videos, live performances all over the world, endorsements, and more TV appearances than Milton Berle in his prime. Even though She debuted only one new song this year (the groovy B-side History), Madonna managed to stay in the headlines for a myriad of projects and newsworthy events.With so much going on - many undeniable hits (the Grammys! Confessions Tour!) and some debatable misses (sorry, H&M!, Boo, English Roses 2!) - it's difficult to catalog this year's highlights. But we'll sure try. Herewith, a rundown of Madge's finest moments of 2006 :

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