Sunday, August 27, 2006

Top Five Songs Madonna Should Resurrect

1. Take a Bow - C'mon, it's Her biggest hit and She has yet to sing it live (read: not lip-synched with Babyface on the American Music Awards in 1995). [ed. Okay, okay, this is officially retracted. She did sing live. Our bad.] Madonna should ditch the ban on "farewell" songs and perform this ballad, famous also for its cinematic video and prominence on Friends' first season cliffhanger. All of us must take an oath not to assume She's retiring if we hear Take a Bow. Bring it back, Madonna! "How was I supposed to know you'd break (you'd break, you'd break, you'd break) you'd break my heart?"

2. Hollywood - Or, this century's Vogue. Hopefully, Madonna won't continue to distance Herself from 2003's sorely underrated American Life album. I'll put my fanhood on the line and declare that Die Another Day, Nothing Fails, Nobody Knows Me, and Intervention will stand the test of time. Likewise, Hollywood is that album's Sorry - the shoulda-been-a-smash that everyone with an ear for solid pop music heard and loved. It got a few live performances during the promotion tour of the album, but we all know a self-serious Madonna wasn't super gung ho about putting Her all into those gigs (Tower Records? Really?). A remix of the song was the backing for a Re-Invention interlude, but think of the fun She can have with this in the future.

3. Cherish - The video was a slice of Herb Ritts Velveeta: Madonna cavorti
ng on a beach with buff mer-men. Blond Ambition featured the tune, as well, and again trotted out the mermaid motif. This timeless song is rarely remembered amid the vast Madonna catalog of '80s output, when the likes of Like a Virgin and Like a Prayer overshadowed their album mates. But if Madonna feels She must again dip into the song well for another bucket o' oldies-but-goodies, She should look no further than this fluffy, feel-good confection. Without any fish theme, please.

4. Angel - Yeah, sure, Burning Up was fun two years ago, Lucky Star was a blast this summer, and Dress You Up might forever be stalled at the Reagan-era Virgin Tour, but what of Angel? Casual fans probably don't recognize the song from the mere mention of its title, but start singing "You must be an angel / I see it in your eyes ... " and anyone older than the age of 25 will take care of the rest.

5. Supernatural - It didn't make the cut for the Like a Prayer album and only found its home on the beloved
Red Hot + Dance compilation. Can you imagine what would happen if Madge reconfigured it for the new century? Fans everywhere would be seeing ghosts. Simmering anew will be the debate on whether the song is about a fantasy affair with a spirit or the more earthly pleasures of, er, large members.

For more unsolicited opinion, re-visit the Top Five Songs Madonna Should Retire.

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Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Top Five Songs Madonna Should Retire

1. Music - Don't get us wrong. We love Music. It was a huge hit for Madge in 2000 and is the soundtrack to a plethora of fun clubbing memories. However, between the past three tours and Live 8's bludgeoning of its chorus (rivaling Hung Up's excruciatingly drawn-out exit during the Confessions Tour for biggest song-killer), Music is angling to become the next tired, overused trademark song. Having a workhorse tune is cute in an Eagles-do-"Hotel California" kind of way, yes, but why would She want to be saddled with another song She is expected - no, required! - to perform? Speaking of trademark songs ....

2. Holiday - Yup, we were all getting tired of this 1983 breakthrough/bar mitzvah staple, too. Was it missed on the Confessions Tour? Sure. Will we get over it? Certainly. She moves on, and we must follow. Let sleeping dogs lie. Note to M: Save Holiday for Your inevitable Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction in a couple of years ... and then put it back into the mothballs until Lourdes asks to record it for Her debut album.

3. La Isla Bonita - What, exactly, is the tipping point at which fans were duped into believing that this is one of Madonna's best songs? As it insidiously worked its way into nearly all of Her concert setlists, albeit new-fangled with different, disingenuously Latin-flavored tweaks, La Isla finally hit its nadir: an embarrassingly literal-minded video and flat delivery on the Confessions Tour. Basta!

4. Material Girl - Okay, it was a highlight of Re-Invention. Not because everyone in the crowd, young or old, knew every lyric. No, it was a delight because Madonna took everyone by surprise for performing a song She swore up and down that She'd never sing again. The bone has been thrown, and we should forever be content that the Material Girl fleetingly recaptured and owned Her tabloid moniker. If Madge belts this out during a cabaret act when She's sixty, we'll go postal.

5. Nobody Knows Me - Speaking of the triumphant Re-Invention - which, in case you've been ignoring the hushed scuttlebutt, still persists as many people's favorite recent Madonna tour - the revelatory performance of Nobody Knows Me should preclude Her from ever attempting to top it. Forever.

Lest cynicism prevail, to be continued with the Top Five Songs Madonna Should Resurrect.

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