Top Ten Madonna Moments of 2014

As we rang in '14, did you hear Madonna shouting "Open the floodgates!" from the rooftop of her tony Manhattan compound?  As far as we know, she hasn't done that literally quite yet; check with her neighbors.  But she certainly screams it with her Instagram account, which has gone from active to hyperactive (worryingly so?).  We're witnessing the sun start to rise on a new Madonna era, with a slow-burn intensity that came to a boil towards the end of the year after months and months of leaks, teases, and enigmatic hashtags; a smattering of non-controversies; and a series of subdued, inessential public appearances.

Time goes by so slowly for those who wait, it's true.  So, 2014, you limbo year of pre-Rebel Heart suspense, no offense, we're not sad to see you go, despite some key Madge goings-on:

Read more »

Top Five Songs Madonna Should Resurrect

1. Take a Bow - C'mon, it's Her biggest hit and She has yet to sing it live (read: not lip-synched with Babyface on the American Music Awards in 1995). [ed. Okay, okay, this is officially retracted. She did sing live. Our bad.] Madonna should ditch the ban on "farewell" songs and perform this ballad, famous also for its cinematic video and prominence on Friends' first season cliffhanger. All of us must take an oath not to assume She's retiring if we hear Take a Bow. Bring it back, Madonna! "How was I supposed to know you'd break (you'd break, you'd break, you'd break) you'd break my heart?"

2. Hollywood - Or, this century's Vogue. Hopefully, Madonna won't continue to distance Herself from 2003's sorely underrated American Life album. I'll put my fanhood on the line and declare that Die Another Day, Nothing Fails, Nobody Knows Me, and Intervention will stand the test of time. Likewise, Hollywood is that album's Sorry - the shoulda-been-a-smash that everyone with an ear for solid pop music heard and loved. It got a few live performances during the promotion tour of the album, but we all know a self-serious Madonna wasn't super gung ho about putting Her all into those gigs (Tower Records? Really?). A remix of the song was the backing for a Re-Invention interlude, but think of the fun She can have with this in the future.

3. Cherish - The video was a slice of Herb Ritts Velveeta: Madonna cavorting on a beach with buff mer-men. Blond Ambition featured the tune, as well, and again trotted out the mermaid motif. This timeless song is rarely remembered amid the vast Madonna catalog of '80s output, when the likes of Like a Virgin and Like a Prayer overshadowed their album mates. But if Madonna feels She must again dip into the song well for another bucket o' oldies-but-goodies, She should look no further than this fluffy, feel-good confection. Without any fish theme, please.

4. Angel - Yeah, sure, Burning Up was fun two years ago, Lucky Star was a blast this summer, and Dress You Up might forever be stalled at the Reagan-era Virgin Tour, but what of Angel? Casual fans probably don't recognize the song from the mere mention of its title, but start singing "You must be an angel / I see it in your eyes ... " and anyone older than the age of 25 will take care of the rest.

5. Supernatural - It didn't make the cut for the Like a Prayer album and only found its home on the beloved Red Hot + Dance compilation. Can you imagine what would happen if Madge reconfigured it for the new century? Fans everywhere would be seeing ghosts. Simmering anew will be the debate on whether the song is about a fantasy affair with a spirit or the more earthly pleasures of, er, large members.

For more unsolicited opinion, re-visit the Top Five Songs Madonna Should Retire.